What is the difference?

What is the difference?

A couple months ago, a friend was reading Help Meet during her lunch break. Not wanting to get into the specifics, she simply mentioned that she was reading a book on how to be nicer to her husband. She thought this would be acceptable to most wives and not cause a stir. Little did she know how appalling this effort has become in today’s society.

The two women she was having lunch with jumped at the chance to complain about this commonsense aspect of marriage. Granted we do not know the women’s home situation, but the comments they made really caused my friend and I to laugh out of disbelief. “Why do you have to be the one to make an effort?” “Why doesn’t he do something for a change to be nicer to you?” “Why does he deserve you to be nice to him?” And on and on. They truly could not understand why anyone would want to be nicer to their husbands.

Why is it so different with husbands? I have seen women treat their husbands cruelly with behavior they would never dream of directing toward anyone else. They are more considerate and thoughtful when it comes to everyone else but their husbands.

A clear picture of this came in my life when Scott and I were married about 6 months. We were living in a small apartment rented to us by a member of our congregation. We were expecting houseguests from India for our New York Family Camp and I was really excited to be the hostess for our friends from afar. In getting the house extra clean and tidy, I thought, why am I spending so much effort getting the house together for friends when I had not previously done that for my husband. I wanted to impress our guests, but should I have not also put forth the effort to impress my husband?

This example has led me to consider my service to my husband as the same service I would give an honored guest. After braving the world every day to give us a house and food, he should be honored. (For those of you that would argue this point, remember “You serve Christ by serving your husband, whether your husband deserves it or not (50),”) Shouldn’t a home be a haven for a husband? And believe me, everyone wins when I put forth the effort to make the house have that extra touch.

So, when you go to the store, do you smile and say nice greetings to the store clerk? Do you always remember that your sister likes her ice tea without sugar? Do you find ways to be of service to others and help out when you are guest in their home? Think of every act of service and nice gesture toward your husband is fulfilling God’s command to “Treat others the same way you want them to treat you.”

Here is a passage I got off the Internet a few years back. It gives a nice perspective on service.

“You could say Matthew 25:35-36 this way:
My husband is hungry so I will give him good food to eat so that he is filled with warmth and love.
My husband is working hard in the yard so I will bring him a fresh glass of iced lemonade to refresh his body and spirit.
My husband is feeling alone so I will go to him and comfort him in ways that he will appreciate.
My husband needs clean clothes so I will sort them and wash them and fold them and hang them up so they are there when he needs them.
My husband is ill so I will comfort him and bring him food in bed and cleanse his face so he knows I care.
My husband is imprisoned by others actions and he feels discouraged and confused so I will go to him and pray with him and be there when he needs me.”

“When we serve our husbands we begin to grow softer spirits, more loving hearts. When we serve our husbands our marriage is renewed and nurtured. When we serve our husbands what we are really doing is serving Jesus. We will be blessed in ways we can hardly imagine!”

Proverbs 31:12,13 “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.”


In the self-help section of any bookstore you will find books written on every aspect of human life dissected and probed to reveal the instant fix for anyone’s ailing mind. The preacher at our congregation said once that he was going to write a book on how to loose weight. It will have two chapters. Chapter one: Eat Less. Chapter two: Exercise More.

There is something to be said about simplicity. Here is my book on how to be a ‘better’ person, a topic that has sold millions of books and has packed out arenas: Chapter One: Serve your husband. In serving our husbands we will be better wives, mothers, friends and have a more peaceful and happier life. The best advice is the Truth found within the pages of the Bible. Submit and Serve Christ as you serve your husband.

Negative

Negative


As a mathematician and teacher, I have spent many hours with the word negative. Kids struggle to understand the concept. “Negative numbers? How can you have a negative amount of apples?” However, by the time we are grown up, society has inundated us with negative. We now understand, more clearly than we wish, what negative means. It is the opposite of positive. Definitely not the present, positive, affirmative that we hear preached from Montana.

In starting to read and understand the book, Created To Be His Help Meet, by Debi Pearl, I came across the following statements. “This [a helper suited to the needs of a man] is how God created you and it is your purpose for existing,”(21) and “God tells the wives to be subject to their husbands in everything, every decision, every move, every plan, and all everyday affairs.”(54)

What do you think of when you read those statements? You think of all the horrible and negative things that may lead you to accept and do. You don’t think of the Genesis passage of why and how God created Eve for Adam or that in Ephesians 5:24 God says “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” Why don’t we trust God’s plan? As Christians we surely trust Him in other areas of our lives. If we don’t embrace God’s plan for marriage, are we really embracing His plan for our lives at all?

Take this example I received from a source that escapes my memory: Your son comes to you to ask if he can use the car. You give a list of groceries to him and tell him if he does your grocery shopping for you, he can borrow the car. He comes home and you find that he only bought half the list. You inquire and he tells you he didn’t like the other stuff on the list, so he didn’t buy it. Now, did he obey you? NO! He bought only what he wanted to buy. He didn’t halfway obey you; he made up his own list. God did not write the bible solely for our salvation. Let us not be so selfish. He told us how to live our lives for His glory and honor. If we pick and choose what we like and don’t like, we aren’t obeying God at all, we are making our own list.

Biblical concepts may be hard to digest after years of thinking the way the world wants us to think, but that is only a reason why we need to study more of the bible and take in less of the world. Look to God and the Bible first and foremost for your understanding of women, marriage and submission. If we let the world define biblical terms, we will end up confused and eventually in a contradiction doubting God’s word and accepting the worlds. Let us not forget that the Devil asked Eve “Did God really say…” Do not be deceived.

Philippians 2:14 says, “Do everything without complaining or arguing.” When we read something in the bible we don’t have a full understanding of, let us not immediately think negatively about the situation. Let us not jump to conclusions and start complaining of the position that we are in. Let God’s word define itself and read on. We will be pleasantly surprised at the way God’s plan falls into place when we obey Him in every aspect of our lives.

Biblical Guidence

Biblical Guidance



A few years ago, Angela and I, were discussing biblical womanhood and femininity. Turning to the bible, we came across Titus 2 and 1 Peter 3, among others. Years of re-writing the bible for feministic thought and public opinion left few women who strived to become the biblical woman, and less who were so. Committed to create a congregation in which our daughters, and sons for that matter, would understand biblical roles and responsibility, we asked a few women we knew to help. One woman, Sherrie, is a wife of a missionary who has spent more than twenty years in Ghana, West Africa. Her and her daughters are testaments to God’s design for our lives here on earth. Another woman that came to mind is a friend, Karen, from Montana. She has raised 5 children and has wonderful insights into Christian life and womanhood. She is great at getting to the heart of the matter and is not afraid to go against the grain when standing for the truth.

Both women were happy to help, but Karen had more time available to us for regular emails and visited our area more during the year. Karen, Angela, and I set out to study the topics of women in the bible, biblical roles for husbands and wives, submission and other areas of study that we would encounter along the way. Our plan was to have Karen and I email back and forth and for Angela and I to meet on a weekly basis to discuss what we had done. We started, upon recommendation of a friend of Karen’s, to read and discus the book Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl. Please note: There is no book besides the Bible that is infallible. Please compare all books to the Word of God before accepting its view.

New job positions, conflicting schedules, and on my part, forgotten emails, have led me to this web page. My proposal to my friends is for me to post, Karen and me to discuss, and Angela to provide additional comments when time permits. This allows direction and a timeline for me, something I need to stay regularly engaged. Karen had the great idea that this could be a forum for other women in different congregations as well. I invite all to feel welcome and be a part of the discussion. We are all learning and exploring aspects of God's Word we might have not looked at before. Also, please understand that the background to the discussion is the Bible, which is our source of Truth and Light. Hopefully this will provide help and perhaps guidance to others who happen to stumble over the web page.

My hope is that this proves profitable for the purposes I explained. I pray that through these discussions and bible studies Christian womanhood will be something my daughters will not have to imagine.